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17 August 2012 @ 04:08 pm
Fic: Primadonna (1/?)  
Title: Primadonna
Pairings/Characters: Darcy Lewis/Tony Stark, Darcy Lewis/Clint Barton; all Avengers
Rating: PG-13 (will progress to R/NC-17 in later chapters)
Warnings: Avengers spoilers, some swears
Word Count: 2,642

It wasn't until Darcy was told by Agent Coul-strictly-no-fun-son that she wasn't allowed to tell anyone about her adventures in New Mexico that she finally decided to take him seriously. Well, not entirely; she refused to take down any pictures of Thor from her Facebook, but considering a secret government branch specifically investigated her and stole her iPod, she motioned locking her lips and throwing away the key when Director Fury himself had her sign a full-disclosure agreement in the SHIELD boardroom.

Darcy signed her name carefully on the line and contemplated a smiley face beside it, but considering the look Fury was giving her with his un-patched eye...

“Thank you for your co-operation, Miss Lewis,” Coulson said over her shoulder.

“No problem. Hey, am I going to get my iPod back?”

“That's not going to happen,” Fury said, raising an eyebrow, a threat, as if to tell her not to argue.

That didn't mean Darcy had to be fine with SHIELD stealing it in the first place.


Back in New Mexico, it was becoming clearer that this whole SHIELD-interfering-with-everything-thing wasn't about to stop. Coulson frequently popped up out of nowhere, suit looking ridiculously clean for such a dusty landscape. Darcy scowled at her own reflection in his sunglasses before he took them off without a visible reaction. It only made Darcy want to piss him off even more.

“Miss Lewis -”

“Jane's in the lab,” she snapped, making a point of opening the refrigerator and not looking in his direction when she made another cup of coffee. Jane's fifth that day. Well, she had been up since four.

“I'm here to talk to you, actually. And then Dr. Foster depending on your answer.”

Darcy narrowed her eyes. “Does this have anything to do with the freakin' rainbow road? Because I swear I'm not withholding anything. Unlike some people.”

“I understand you must be frustrated that your iPod was taken away, but it was necessary. And, unfortunately, you won't be getting it back.”

Coulson paused as Darcy swirled a teaspoon around in Jane's mug for a few seconds, finally making eye contact. It was another death glare.

“I came here to offer you a job.”

Darcy couldn't understand why she was being offered to work for the government when they knew she didn't have any special skills or training. If SHIELD had really investigated her, they'd know she hadn't even graduated yet.

Coulson took out a folder from his briefcase and handed it to Darcy. Everything about him was orderly and clean and that only made Darcy more suspicious. If working for SHIELD meant being like Coulson, count her out. Even if they probably had the most amazing benefits.

The folder contained just one piece of notepad paper with no date or address to indicate its legitimacy. Written haphazardly in fountain pen were the words: “Stark Towers requires your assistance, Darcy Lewis. Your friend Thor recommended you after sharing the taser story.”

Since Natalie Rushman turned out to be a super-secret agent for SHIELD and the whole Loki with the robot aliens incident in New York, Tony Stark had been looking for an assistant but no-one had come to mind apparently except for Darcy.
She tried not to be intimidated, but this was Tony Stark. Tony “I'm Motherfucking Iron Man” Stark. College hadn't been the same since Iron Man became a real thing, and then Thor fell out of the sky. At least Tony Stark appreciated Darcy's taser habit.

Darcy was flown out to New York the next day, leaving Jane and Erik behind, and although Jane insisted she was happy for Darcy to take up an assistant position, Darcy couldn't help feeling like she was betraying Jane. If the woman stayed up until 6am from then on, it would be her fault. Jane said something about Darcy using her potential elsewhere, not that Darcy had any idea why people kept saying that. She didn't know anything about robotics or team-building exercises or anything. All she knew about The Avengers came from E! News.

For once, Darcy really cared about the impression she made for a potential employer. Jane had been more like a friend than her boss, and if she was going to be fired within the week from SHIELD she wouldn't be surprised. Then again, she didn't want to pass up the opportunity to meet real-life superheroes.

Tony Stark greeted her with a grin, no handshake, and led her into the main living room of his penthouse when she arrived in the afternoon. Fresh off the plane, she had only moments to throw on something business-y and untangle some of the knots in her mane. She thought of taking off her glasses for their first meeting, but decided against it – she'd rather not be tripping over anything in front of her new boss.

“So, Miss Lewis. Welcome.”

“Thanks for...this. But I think you've got the wrong idea about me. Or what I was to Jane Foster.”

“I doubt that,” Stark was already going straight for a crystal decanter and pouring two drinks. It was barely two in the afternoon.

Fuck it, Darcy thought. She didn't mind being Business Drunk if it meant this going smoothly.

Stark handed her a glass and they sat down on a leather couch beside each other. He turned to look at Darcy with a smirk on his face. He was up to something, definitely.

“Thor said something about a young maiden using a device much like his own. After the Initiative first took place, we all bonded a bit. He was pretty proud of you. So you got my attention.”

“And you need an assistant with a taser to get you through your day as part-superhero, part-engineer--?”

“I wouldn't say 'superhero', more like –” he laughed. “Actually, I would.”

So, he liked to brag. The cockiness did really live up to the reputation. She could hardly blame him for being a little proud of saving people from a full-scale alien invasion. And even without The Avengers he'd stopped the Stark Expo from turning fatal last year. Darcy mentally patted herself on the back for reading all those articles most of last night.

Darcy hadn't drunk from her glass yet, and Stark looked at her pointedly. It didn't stop him from taking a sip while she stalled.

“Oh, God, I hate scotch,” she muttered, wincing as she took a gulp of it out of sheer nervousness.

Stark's own glass fogged up as he snorted.

“Ugh. You didn't put any water in this, did you?”

Darcy gulped the rest of it, grimacing.

“No...” Stark said, bemused. “But good of you to finish it anyway.”


Tony explained it to her that she wasn't working for SHIELD. She was specifically employed by him, and the general idea was for her to keep The Avengers stable by keeping him well fed and in the general direction of his responsibilities.

“You get two weeks paid vacation, but please don't use too much of that in December, because I want you to come to my Christmas party,” he said over his shoulder as he took her on a tour of Stark Tower, soon to be renamed Avengers Tower.

Darcy smiled back at him. She'd be fine with Christmas with The Avengers.

“So, any thoughts, questions? Concerns?” Tony made the joke of looking around Darcy as if there was a larger crowd, clapping his hands together as they ended up back in the penthouse living room some hours later.

In the corner of her eye, Darcy saw a door handle against one of the glass walls.

“Can we go out on the balcony?”

Another boyish grin from Tony and he practically bounded over the the balcony and swung open the door. He stepped out, and Darcy immediately gaped out at the view.

She'd been to New York before, but she'd never experienced New York from over 2,000 feet.

“Wow,” she managed, walking past Tony to lean against the steel railing.


Tony was watching her take in the sight of the thousands of lights surrounding them, the distant sound of traffic far below. There was a helicopter somewhere in the night sky, circling the city.


It doesn't take long to get into the routine of it all – or the chaos, because Tony rarely follows a routine and constantly needs poking into the 'right direction', namely appointments, consistent sleeping patterns and eating three square meals a day.

Darcy doesn't mind, until she figures out he's equally frustrating as he is intelligent. From her apartment in the Tower, each night means paperwork and organising, only to be interrupted by Tony's spontaneity. Frequent all-nighters in the workshop and 'forgetting' to do much else.

It was only Darcy's first week with just her and Tony in the Tower, but he already had her wanting to strangle him after she brought him something to eat.

“What's that?”

“Turkey on rye.”

“I can see that, but what's it doing in here?”

Tony didn't look up from whatever it was he was doing to an engine on his workbench. Darcy tapped her foot and handed him the plate with the sandwich under his nose, forcing him to acknowledge it was his.

“It's that meal in the middle of the day you're supposed to have. Eat it.”

“I'm fine. I'm just working on something here.”

Darcy felt like shaking him because he was still not looking up at her. If this was supposedly her job, to make sure he kept himself out of trouble, what was the point of him hiring her when he didn't listen to her anyway?

Darcy took a second to wait for him to take the food from her, but when he didn't (despite it being literally under his nose) Darcy put a free hand on his chest and pushed him back as hard as she could, and his chair swivelled several feet away from the workbench.


“You're paying me to do this, dude,” she said, eyebrow raised.

They glare at each other for a moment, and Tony smirks at her.

“Just take the goddamn sandwich.”

And he did, finally. Darcy turned her heels, making her way back to the door. She turned back for a second to see Tony taking a bite. Darcy felt a burst of pride.

“Anything else you need, Mr. Stark?”

“No, that's all, Miss. Lewis.”


Meeting the other Avengers happens the next week, when they start moving into the other apartments in the Tower. Thor is enthusiastic as ever, greeting Darcy with a bone-crushing hug as he lifts her off the ground into his massive arms.

“Hey, buddy, we talked about my frailty,” she squeaks, though she's pleased to see the big goofball.

“You don't seem that frail,” said the agent she knew was Hawkeye. He stood next to Agent Romanoff (Darcy couldn't help herself asking Tony about Natalie Rushman, and he rolled his eyes at her, correcting her: “Romanoff. Black Widow, all that.”), looking up at Darcy in Thor's arms in the Avengers Tower main sitting area.

Hawkeye turned to Agent Romanoff and said, “She doesn't seem that delicate to you, right, Agent Romanoff?”

“No,” Natasha didn't break eye contact with Darcy as she studied her. She was beautiful and stone faced, but Darcy detected the slightest tone of amusement in her low voice.

Thor put Darcy down and Darcy held out a hand (she was getting better at greeting strangers with a job like this) to the SHIELD agents.

“Darcy,” she said, taking Hawkeye's hand, smiling.

“Clint. That's Natasha,” he said, as Natasha had crossed her arms.


It was weird to be organising a pizza party for a group of people like this. All the orders varied to some degree, and Darcy typed frantically on her tablet, courtesy of Stark Tech, while The Avengers lounged about and chatted.

“Right. Pepperoni, Hawaiian, Meat Lover's and Vegetarian,” she murmured. She took the spot beside Clint and let out a sigh. She was tired after being on the phone to The Daily Show that afternoon. She hadn't been able to contain her excitement at Tony making an appearance next week. With any luck, she could be invited along and brag about Jon Stewart on Facebook if Coulson let her.

“How's the job been so far?” Clint asked her in a low voice, though he hadn't turned his head to speak to her. It was the conspiracy training showing, right?

“Okay. Is he always supposed to be so determined to not follow orders?” she whispered, taking a sip of her drink, noting she was the only one using a coaster.

“You have no idea.”

She turned her head and looked Clint straight on. He smiled widely for the first time that night, lines forming beside his eyes. Darcy didn't know what to make of that.


It got easier. The Avengers all had different jobs and she just had to keep up somehow. Natasha and Clint were either at the Tower, at meetings with SHIELD, on a mission that Darcy learned she'd never hear about in great detail, or training in the gym. She'd only seen Bruce a couple times because he was always wrapped up in something in his lab (this reminded her too much of Jane, and she realised she missed her old boss whenever she thought about Bruce Banner).

Captain America, because she hadn't quite got used to calling him Steve, was either drawing or going through punching bags. The only stress was getting Tony to read memos; he was usually in his workshop or annoying her at her desk when she was trying to work, or off trying to annoy a fellow Avenger.

It got easier. But only when things got better, Darcy knew sooner or later something would change that, especially if she was working with a bunch of superheroes.


Darcy got an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach a few weeks into the job when JARVIS announced Pepper Potts' presence in the Stark Tower one afternoon.

“Oh, God.”

Darcy scrambled all the paper on her desk into one pile and pulled on her pair of stilettos from under her desk and hopped towards the elevator out in the hallway.

Waiting for an elevator, a voice behind her ear made her jump.

“She'll like you.”


“Ow, don't do that!” Clint rubbed the back of his head where she hit him.

The elevator doors opened, Darcy and Clint walked in, and she glared at him as she pressed a button for the ground floor.

“Why should I care if she likes me? I'm working for Tony.”

“Well, you know better than anyone that she was Tony's assistant for ten years before you, and now she's CEO of Stark Industries, technically both yours and Stark's boss now.”

He smirked. He liked watching for her reactions to things.

Darcy threw her hands in the air. “Do you want to make me puke?”

He practically cackled, the prick. “They're going out for dinner. You meeting her is only a formality, I'm guessing.”

“And how often do you snoop around in the vents so you can hear about this kind of information?”

Clint gave a shit-eating grin and opened his mouth to speak.

She turned to him, with a warning finger pointed. “Don't answer that. Never answer that.”
Stephanie: Johnnyflareonfury on August 17th, 2012 07:34 pm (UTC)
Haha, loved this! Can't wait for more!
URA FEVER: Black Widow; Streetgrimeysociety on September 1st, 2012 03:36 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it. :D